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Cedric’s Saggy Saga Settled
Cedric Griffin will not be going to prison for letting his pants sag too low while enjoying himself at Minneapolis nightspot Spin this April. His lawyer, David Valentini, has worked out an agreement whereby Griffin, should he abstain from wearing his pants too low for the next year, will have the charges against him dismissed. Cedric was, however, required to pay $1,000 in prosecution costs, and he is not allowed to ever go inside Spin again.
Why the hell he would want to go inside Spin, after they kicked him out for having pants that were too low, is beyond me. Obviously, this Spin is not a hip place, otherwise they would understand a brother’s need to let his trousers hang. If I were the Vikings I would be worried about incidents like this hurting their ability to sign free agents in the future. You think NFL players want to come to a place where trou-sag is going to get them chucked out of clubs? Isn’t it bad enough that you’re already not allowed to expose yourself to waitresses on boats or have sex in stairwells? Minneapolis is so damn prudish – it’s no wonder Fred Smoot wanted the hell out of there.
In the meantime, the Vikings will wait to see what action Judge Roy Bean wannabe Roger Goddell might want to take against Cedric. If making it rain (and various other offenses like being a total wad) gets you kicked out for a year, I’ve gotta believe excess sagginess of the pants is worth at least a game.
