Another Conspiracy

Nobody wants the Vikings to have a good quarterback. They know we’re just a competent signal-caller away from being a Super Bowl team and they’d rather have us suffer with Tarvaris Jackson than smoke all their asses and claim the Lombardi Trophy.  In fact, there appears to be a flat-out league-wide conspiracy to keep the Vikes from getting their hands on a decent QB.  We all know the Packers were dead-set against letting Brett Favre come here – hence the trade to the Jets, and the proviso that New York would have to give up 200 draft picks if Favre were then dealt to Minnesota.  And now there’s a new culprit in this game of Viking offensive suppression, and his name is Jon Gruden.  According to PFT’s Mike Florio, Gruden has offered disgruntled QB Jeff Garcia to a couple of teams in a trade, but not the Vikings – presumably because, if Garcia got on the Vikings, he would instantaneously pick up Brad Childress‘s intricate and ingenious offense and lead us on a 14-game winning streak and thence onto glory.  And that would make Gruden look bad especially if his anointed QB Brian Griese played like Brian Griese.  Is this devious or what?

Frankly, I think there needs to be an investigation.  Columbo needs to be brought in or maybe Kojak or Kolchak the Night Stalker.  Or maybe O.J. – he’s good at looking for the real perpetrators of things.  Oh, that’s right – O.J.’s kind of busy right now.  Well, one of those other guys then.  They need to start turning over rocks and tapping phones and hiring whoever Bill Belichick uses to spy on other teams, so the truth of this conspiracy can be exposed.  So far, we know Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson are in on it, and Jon Gruden as well.  What we don’t know is how deep this really goes.  If there might be other measures being taken against us.  Do we know the full story on how Bernard Berrian‘s toe got messed up?  Are we sure Visanthe Shiancoe isn’t being slipped some kind of drug that’s causing him to lose strength in his hands at critical moments in games?  And what about Tarvaris Jackson himself?  Is some kind of chicanery to blame for his utter ineptitude?  Is the playbook he’s studying actually the Vikings playbook or a different one someone swapped in for it without him noticing?  Someone may have snuck into his bedroom at night, tiptoed around his stuffed animals and snatched the real playbook from under his Jonas Brothers pillow. This would explain a lot of mysterious stuff:  Like why T-Jack is handing off to Chester Taylor on 3rd and 5.  It was actually supposed to be a 10-yard out to Bobby Wade.  You know, a play that had a chance of netting the 5 yards necessary to get a 1st down.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that the Vikings are victims of a massive plot.  Until we uncover the truth of this scheme, and rid the league of those responsible, the Vikings will never have a fair shot at putting the Kick-Ass in the Kick-Ass Offense.

Dick's Sporting Goods presents "Hell Week":

Tags: Bell Belichick Bernard Berrian Bobby Wade Brad Childress Brett Favre Brian Griese Chester Taylor Jeff Garcia Jon Gruden Mike Florio Mike Mccarthy Minnesota Vikings Super Bowl Tarvaris Jackson Ted Thompson Visanthe Shiancoe

  • Mike

    Jeff Garcia is the answer to your prayers??

    Keep praying guys!

  • Dink

    u r dum

  • John

    I am sorry, but this blog is ridiculous.

    A) The vikings are a helluva lot farther away than a good quarterback to reach “Total Domination”. In fact, this blog sounds so much like the vikings fans that I lived with in college that it’s funny how much you all thing alike.

    B) Why on earth would Jon Gruden trade a competent quarterback like Garcia to a team that could hurt him down the stretch. The Packers did the same thing, and not because of a “conspiracy”, rather due to “competition”.

    Grow up. This blog is absurd. You need receivers too by the way. Berrian was waaaaaaaaaaay overpaid.

  • jim

    Well it was a tough 1st loss for our beloved Minnesota Vikings in Lambeauas the Vikes were beaten in a squeeker 24-19. After sifting through the Viking Update Blog and listening to KFAN’s fan line I am quite disturbed. I know that we lost and losing to the Pack is always tough but was I watching a different game than everyone else.
    First off everyone is being way too critical of Tarvaris Jackson

  • frank

    How can you write this garbage and not get sick?  It is time to come out of the dark.

  • PackSmack

    I must say this article was really entertaining.  The guy who wrote this should try for Hollywood because obviously they are better at creating an imaginary plot than discussiong football objectively.  Poor Vikings…how sad your organization really is…

  • Granger

    I think this post was written as humor, but there’s just enough morror fromthe fringe lunatic talking points that I’m left wondering if the humor was only intended as a mask.

    It’s either clever writing or the dumbest opinion piece I’ve seen about football this year. Since I can’t tell, I’m giving the benefit of the doubt to the author. However, if bringing the idea of a conspiriacy into the conversation as to why the Vikings will have another losing year, then it’s just childish blather with no merit. 

    Below average quarterback, simple-minded play calling, and a secondary no one fears are all the explanation needed for yet another losing season.

    The Vikings and their fans are simply living through a lot of bad karma created by previous players like Moss, Culpepper, and others, and of course, that total idiot, Hovan. I think his name was Hovan…he’s so damn dumb I can’t even remember his name for sure!

    They might have avoided some of the bad karma if they wouldn’t have introduced more “karma-makers” to the roster. Too bad Ziggy doesn’t get it. All that money he’s spending on people that will only bring the same old, same old to the table.

    Glad I’m not a Vikings fan!

  • Jerry

    simple math

    assumption: jeff garcia = superbowl
    conclusion: vikings fan = dumbass

  • Hardings McTaggert

    I guess that was a tongue-in-cheek post, written to stir up the kettle a little. It’s a sad situation when you have to stir the pot just two weeks into the season. I’d offer my sympathies to Vikings fans, but you Minnesotans just nominated one of the biggest idiots and assholes in America, Al Franken, for the senate. You get what you deserve you brain-dead dipshits.

  • NewQBSameResults1stPlace

    What a pathetic organization.  Enjoy!

  • Jamal

    The problem isn’t that the league isn’t conspiring against the Vikings, it’s that the Vikings are fucking stupid. T Jax sucks. He is horrible, and will never be the answer. What makes matters worse is the fact that the Vikings have a perfectly competent QB on their roster, and are a depth chart move away from being competitive. Start Ferotte and start winning.

  • Gaydolf Titler

    Chad Pennington’s agent called the Vikings after the Jets cut him, and Brad Childress said, “No thanks.”  I blame this entirely on Chili and his kick ass offense.

  • danzinski

    It wasn’t bad enough that this site kept getting flooded with irate Cowboy fans – now it’s full of Packer fans who don’t know satire when they see it.  Get me outta here!!!

  • Craig

    Now this is funny!  Let’s not mention the DB’s, such as Sharper, who let TD passes go by them at regular frequency.  Or receivers that IF the ball was thrown to them, it would be somewhat of a mirracle they caught them.

    The ONLY thing the Queens have going for them is a touch D-line and O-line, with a stud running back that isn’t handed the ball enough.

    Not to mention, any head coach that would actually stick with Jackson this long should have been chopped from the payroll long before this.

  • viqueen for life

    i luv awr team the viqueens. u guys all stop it. we will win a sooper bole and showe u guyes awr cute purple fite darnnit

  • FoF

    Just be happy you don’t have an idiot for a GM like the Packers.  TT’s only smart move may have been to not trade Favre to the Vikes, but other than that he’s god awful and has only hurt the Pack.

  • Mark

    Wow you are truly pathetic.  Honestly, go tell your mommy on the NFL…they won’t let you play with the good quarterbacks.  Are you serious?  What a juvenille point of view.

  • stroh

    Pack fan here… Been saying for over a year Jackson sucks!  Not really bright, no accuracy, runs too soon… etc… etc…

    Some viqueens fans on my Pack site actually thought Jackson would be better than Rodgers!  LMAO  Rodgers is a great decision maker, plenty of arm, great accuracy, leader…  Everything needed to be successful!  What of those attributes does Jackson have?!   NONE…

    Chidresses offense is neither intricate or ingenious, NOT w/ Jackson for a QB!!!  AD left, AD right, AD up the middle… Punt!  LOL

    A conspiracy…  Not anyones fault but the queens!!!  If you knew what a good QB looked like, maybe you could sign one, draft one or trade for one.  ROTFLMFAO

  • Rimshot

    This article is kind of funny, but even funnier is how the Vikings fans thought they’d overtake the Packers this year just because Favre is gone. We STILL have the best quarterback in the division! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…all the way to the playoffs. You folks in Minnesota just keep concentrating on electing geniuses to political office, like Jesse Ventura and Al Franken! The Vikings are pathetic, but what a bunch of lunatics the voters are!  ROFL

  • Raisin Kane

    The Queens will NEVER win until they get the circus( Childress) out of town for good.

  • Reginald Fledux

    Couldn’t agree more with Rimshot. The people you elect to office is amazing – amazingly poor choices, that is! Are you folks trying to be the California of the midwest? How friggin’ dumb getting your brains frozen a time or two seems to make you! You have the football team you deserve, losers for losers, so quit whining.

  • Pack Fan 4 Sure

    FoF wrote:

    “Just be happy you don’t have an idiot for a GM like the Packers.  TT’s only smart move may have been to not trade Favre to the Vikes, but other than that he’s god awful and has only hurt the Pack.”

    Well, I guess Vikings aren’t only one with dumb fans. Are freaking kidding me? The Packers went from the pits with Mike Sherman to an overtime away from the Superbowl with the youngest team in the league last year. With the youngest team in the league, they’re only going to get better. Your kind of stupidity should be outlawed. One can only hope you don’t reproduce.

  • oneblankspace

    I hear Jared Lorenzen and Quinn Gray are available now that the Colts have a healthy Peyton Manning.

  • Sane man

    Too much Zygi in your Wilf.

  • Flaubert

    If the Vikings would just trade their entire next five drafts to the Jets I’m sure they could get Brett Favre in return. And of course, most Viqueens fans would think that means they’ll win the superbowl this year and they’d be happy – until they don’t make the playoffs and it finally sinks in they don’t have any draft picks until 2014 (which ought to dawn on them around 2011 or 2012).

  • whodat

    Bernard Berrian – 3 catches, 38 yards
    Troy Williamson 2 catches, 11 yards

    Both are limping.

    How much did that upgrade cost you?

  • Dawg

    Is it true that Vi-queens fans are known as little princesses?

  • Jim Barnes

    Post # 8,……too Funny.  Nice.

  • smwrter than you

    Lets see you have no TE that is required to make it very far,you are using recievers that would not crack Green Bays back ups ,If you had ruvell martin and jordy nelson your team would be a lot better.On offense all you have for a threat is Adrian Peterson and he has trouble staying healthy.Your new DE had no tackles the first week want me to keep going!!!!!!

  • Botch302

    Wow!  I have some buddies who are fans of the queens and it was just comical listening to them before the season started.  We’re going to the Super Bowl they said.  You vikes fans are just as dumb as your organization.  I was at the Packer/queens game and I honestly think T-Jack is the worst qb in the league.  Your damn coach is a moron too.  Every damn year the media and the fans of this sorry team say how good they are going to be, only to flop again and again.  If you want to watch a real team, watch the Packers.  12 world titles, how many for the queens, yeah Goose Egg!  It is just great to watch.  Don’t worry, once you have a few more losing seasons, you stud Adrian will want out and there won’t be anymore expectations.  Good Luck Losers!  GO PACK GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • PackerNation

    Viking Fans,

    Apologies from Green Bay for poster 16.  We have tried to keep him locked up in Favre’s old locker but he keeps finding ways to escape.

    If you see him, please return him C.O.D. to my attention.  He is very special to me.

    Ted Thompson

  • CA Cheeshead

    Good artical, well written and funny. I think we will have to find a new rivaly, maybe the lions, the Vikings are just too easy. Maybe we’ll go back to hating the Bears.
     All of that Cap $ spent in the off season and your team seems to be nobetter than last year. The Pck is how much below the cap? 28 mill? I don’t like TT either but you can’t argue with results.

  • Kent

    Whatever John said in blog #2 is right. There isn’t no conspiracy! It’s called smart GM play, or not being a dumbass like Matt Millen. Even if you got a quarterback of some decency, it won’t matter! The Vikings receiver core is talentless, they were stupid for paying Berrian that kind of money, what was the front office thinking? This is the most stupid thing I’ve heard in a long time!

  • PackMan

    That is deliciously clever. Who said Vikings fans are stupid and don’t have a sense of humor?  As for the poster who thinks that Ted Thompson is an idiot; you probably are an authority on idiots, but I think we’ll keep Thompson for awhile. Meanwhile, Favre’s replacement is playing better than his mentor. Yeah, the Packers STILL have the best quarterback in the division.

  • Gary Quazo

    The answer will be revealed in the next Dan Brown novel. Please stand by.

  • WynditupKev

    Any Viking that thinks this is “humorous” is kidding themselves.  Viking fans are bitter.

    What you guys did was spend a ton of money on a good, not great, defense, and a great rb.  Why have you forgot that the most important position on the team is qb?  You have one of the worst in the league, and mope when one doesn’t fall in your lap.  Draft a qb…a great qb, sit him on the bench while he learns the NFL position.  That’s what other teams do.  Why haven’t the Vikings?  Don’t like what you have?  Trade for a qb teams will actually give you.  I learned something when I was really young.  Beggars can’t be choosers.

    Go Rodgers!

  • Vance the Vike

    Well Cheeze Fans. We did stay within a touchdown of you. But, more power to ya. We can’t score touchdowns anyway or we might be 2-0. Then again, maybe the Pack just had 1st game jitters and could blow us out worse now. Shame we only have a defense that will keep us in a game and that can’t last 16 games without us at least getting the top HS QB in Minn or Wisc. That would be an unfair trade to that high school and T-jaxoff would drop out of school after throwing 3 interceptions and not knowing how to read reciever check downs. Reading is important in high school (and the NFL).
    But a rivalry with the Lions. Com’on even a 2-14 Viking team is more fun than that.
    Seriously, I love my team, but if something isn’t done by the front office the next 2 weeks I won’t be running to the nearest sports pub here in sunny FL to watch. Jeez, I’ve bought tickets for the 2 games here in FL. What a waste if I at least don’t have a wild card  race to hope for. Back to Stub Hub they go
    I’m a die hard Vikes fan and hoping something is going on in the Vikes front office to get an average QB that might help salvage a wild card.
    Have fun with the playoffs Pack fans

  • John

    What the Vikes need to so is trade for Quinn or Anderson.  They’ll be willing to give one of the two up for something good.  Draft picks and/or player(s).

  • apisalldaypeterson

    Someone please fire Brad Childress and Tarvaris Jackson!!! They are both idiots!!! It’s sad how we wasted so much money on jared allen and bernard berrian. I was thinking… why the fuck didn’t the vikings draft desean jackson?? wtf! that pisses me off. we had our chance to take him but nooo, fuckin viking’s organization chose tyrell johnson. Our draft picks were so useless.  I was hoping for the vikings to get desean jackson because he’s an outstanding player and he’s worth a pick. Too bad other teams didnt want to pick him because he was either too skinny or had a bad attitude.  Maybe thats why the vikings didn’t want him… (HE’S NOT TROY WILLIAMSON!!) Look what he can do for the Eagles, he makes good plays on special team and passing games.  It sucks to see the vikings always lose when I think they’re about to win but nooo i’m a typical vikings fan that believes that can make it to the superbowl… How sad and i know u other fans are gonna laugh ur ass off but thats how everyone feels for their team who wins or lose…

  • GrantCoWI

    What is it really about Ted Thompson that people don’t like?  I don’t get it.  He’s fairly soft spoken, he’s not arrogant, and he’s done a fantastic job.  He’s a likable guy.  He sacrificed his job, credibility, and possibly his career to help improve his team for today and the long run.  Just because half the state of Wisconsin has a justifiable love affair with one player Thompson decided not to bring back after retirement, doesn’t make him a bad guy.  Go around and ask other fans if they would want TT as a GM, and see what they say. 

  • Jonny

    this is the biggest piece of crap I’ve ever seen. (and I’ve seen an elephant crap)

    Why would any team trade a good player to another team in the same division (other than the dump Dolphins former GM)

    Also the Texans were willing to trade Sage Rosenfels to the Vikings but the Vikings weren’t willing to pay up so that throws out the complete stupid idea of all teams are against the Vikings.

    As for Mike Florio his site is horrible with a lot of BS (not as close to as much as this one but still a lot)

    for Jeff Garcia maybe the Vikings don’t have the balls to give what the Bucs want, like they didn’t with Rosenfels. Right now Garcia is the best back-up in the NFL, and with the risk of injury to the starter why would the Bucs trade for him other than something high which the Viking aren’t willing to give up.

  • Bigcheese5650


  • Thanks A Lot

    Back when the Packers were looking to replace Sherman as head coach, Brad Childress was at or near the top of their short list of candidates. Childress visited the Vikings first, and the Vikings were so enamored with Childress they signed him to a contract before he even had a chance to interview for the Green Bay job. The Packers hired McCarthy instead.


    We’ll never know if the Packers would have hired Childress over McCarthy now, but I’m sure glad it worked out the way it did. McCarthy is far better a coach than any of the new head coaches hired that year (and there was something like 6 or 8 head coaching changes).

    You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ted Thompson made a big deal of Childress so that the Vikings would hire him, knowing he wasn’t ready to be a head coach. Pretty much eliminated them as contenders right there.

    Gotta love that Teddy Bear, he’s understated but shrewd, very shrewd.

  • Gary G.

    Excellent point, post 43! The Vikings thought they really put a fast one over on the Packers, but it looks like they only slicked themselves. There’s no grease job like the one you do to yourself!


    Obviously, I’m not a Vikings fan but I think I have to come to this blogger’s defense. This article is sarcastic – he doesn’t actually believe that there is a conspiracy. Rip on the Vikes all you want but lay off this dude. He’s just venting…

  • Gary G.

    Hey TotalPackers – I think most people know the article was written as sarcasm. Maybe a few didn’t in the early going, but Granger identified it with post #7. You’re a little late to the party. Maybe you should just stick with ripping the Viqueens since Minnesotans think their so elite.

  • http://TheVikingAge TomW

    Wow, LOL at post 16 (FOF).  In Wisconsin, he also goes by the name of Official State Idiot.  It’s no surprise that is he is trolling other teams sites spewing hatred toward the GM who screwed up by selecting the god-awful Aaron Rodgers. 

  • PackerBadger

    Post#43 is right on.  I remember back when I read that Colonel Klink was coming to Green Bay for an interview, I could not believe that Thompson would even consider Klink.  We couldn’t get him out of Madison fast enough when he was the Badgers OC.  Great smoke screen on Teddy’s part.  Keep stealing Wisconsin castoffs.  Longwell, Sharper, Turd Furguson, Colonel Klink, Bevell.  I got one more for you guys.  Listen up Ziggy Stardust, two words, Jerrod Bush.  He’s a future all pro!

  • http://TheVikingAge TomW


  • PackRat

    Good Lord, FOF is on the loose terrorizing other sites with his bullshit.  Viking Fans, you can’t miss him,  he’s 5’6″, weighs 250 pounds and dresses in Favre pajamas.