Another Conspiracy


Nobody wants the Vikings to have a good quarterback. They know we’re just a competent signal-caller away from being a Super Bowl team and they’d rather have us suffer with Tarvaris Jackson than smoke all their asses and claim the Lombardi Trophy.  In fact, there appears to be a flat-out league-wide conspiracy to keep the Vikes from getting their hands on a decent QB.  We all know the Packers were dead-set against letting Brett Favre come here – hence the trade to the Jets, and the proviso that New York would have to give up 200 draft picks if Favre were then dealt to Minnesota.  And now there’s a new culprit in this game of Viking offensive suppression, and his name is Jon Gruden.  According to PFT’s Mike Florio, Gruden has offered disgruntled QB Jeff Garcia to a couple of teams in a trade, but not the Vikings – presumably because, if Garcia got on the Vikings, he would instantaneously pick up Brad Childress‘s intricate and ingenious offense and lead us on a 14-game winning streak and thence onto glory.  And that would make Gruden look bad especially if his anointed QB Brian Griese played like Brian Griese.  Is this devious or what?

Frankly, I think there needs to be an investigation.  Columbo needs to be brought in or maybe Kojak or Kolchak the Night Stalker.  Or maybe O.J. – he’s good at looking for the real perpetrators of things.  Oh, that’s right – O.J.’s kind of busy right now.  Well, one of those other guys then.  They need to start turning over rocks and tapping phones and hiring whoever Bill Belichick uses to spy on other teams, so the truth of this conspiracy can be exposed.  So far, we know Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson are in on it, and Jon Gruden as well.  What we don’t know is how deep this really goes.  If there might be other measures being taken against us.  Do we know the full story on how Bernard Berrian‘s toe got messed up?  Are we sure Visanthe Shiancoe isn’t being slipped some kind of drug that’s causing him to lose strength in his hands at critical moments in games?  And what about Tarvaris Jackson himself?  Is some kind of chicanery to blame for his utter ineptitude?  Is the playbook he’s studying actually the Vikings playbook or a different one someone swapped in for it without him noticing?  Someone may have snuck into his bedroom at night, tiptoed around his stuffed animals and snatched the real playbook from under his Jonas Brothers pillow. This would explain a lot of mysterious stuff:  Like why T-Jack is handing off to Chester Taylor on 3rd and 5.  It was actually supposed to be a 10-yard out to Bobby Wade.  You know, a play that had a chance of netting the 5 yards necessary to get a 1st down.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that the Vikings are victims of a massive plot.  Until we uncover the truth of this scheme, and rid the league of those responsible, the Vikings will never have a fair shot at putting the Kick-Ass in the Kick-Ass Offense.

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Tags: Bell Belichick Bernard Berrian Bobby Wade Brad Childress Brett Favre Brian Griese Chester Taylor Jeff Garcia Jon Gruden Mike Florio Mike Mccarthy Minnesota Vikings Super Bowl Tarvaris Jackson Ted Thompson Visanthe Shiancoe

  • stevogbfan

    it’s funny the blame goes for everyone else than who it belongs to, you can’t buy a good team, you have to build it. ziggy spent a whole lot of money on the packers that even the packers didn’t want anymore and a bunch of free agents… they don’t play well together for what i see (keeping in mind, i’m no one) good luck to you guys… looke like you’ll need it!

  • W9ARcher

    So why didn’t the Vikes draft Aaron Rodgers when he slipped to the Packers?

  • Torrie

    I know FOF. Do you know what FOF stands for? He used to go by FOFE, but recently shortened it.

    FOF = Foolish Opinions Farted (Everywhere)

  • HEHATEME

    Wow, I can’t believe how many people thought that this author was being serious.  …just, wow.  Lotta’ stoops out there.

  • Torrie

    W9ARcher wrote:

    So why didn’t the Vikes draft Aaron Rodgers when he slipped to the Packers?

    Easy, they don’t have anyone near as astute as Ted Thompson evaluating the new talent or the old team. That’s why the Vikings will be looking up at the Packers for the forseeable future!

  • Randall

    HEHATEME wrote:

    Wow, I can’t believe how many people thought that this author was being serious.  …just, wow.  Lotta’ stoops out there.

    I think most people know it was written in jest, pretty hard not to notice that, but some people are just having fun with it……guess that kinda makes you the stoop.

  • Minnesota Train Wreck

    Week 3 against the Panthers = loss
    Week 4 @ Tennessee = chance to win, but probably a loss
    Week 5 @ New Orleans = probably a loss on MNF
    Week 6 against Detroit = Good chance to win!

    Hey, 1-5 ain’t all that bad. It could be worse.

  • Chris

    The “god-awful” Aaron Rodgers is 42-60 for 506 yards, 4 TD’s and 0 INT’s, complete with a nifty 117.8 QB Rating. Want to embarrass yourself any further? Didn’t think so.

    That was at #47

  • Childress is WACK

    I wonder who will be QB when T-Jack starts to fuck up! I know childress is an idiot and i know he will bench him later in the game against the panthers when we’re down by 3 TDs.  It’s stupid how I thought Bernard Berrian was going to change the numbers of T-jack’s QB rating but nope, i guess i was wrong! T-jack just has no confidence and yet he’s still struggling like his first season and second season. All i have to say is… Brad Childress you’re an idiot when Tarvaris told you he didn’t want to start when you made him play against greenbay in ’06, he wasnt even ready!!!  T-jack needs to be back up than a starter.  I remember reading an article about when t-jack thought farve was coming to Minnesota and he said it was okay for farve to take his starting job. That’s when i knew T-jack didnt have confidence still. That just shows how he isn’t ready to start. It just sucks how we have to deal with Brad Childress is stupid game tatics! Way to embarrass the viking fans childress. I hope you do something about this so i can fuckin enjoy vikings football season! By the way, i don’t blame t-jack for messing up, at least he has guts to take criticism unlike mr. suicidal vince young! 
    I WISH THE BEST OF LUCK FOR T-JACK IF IT’S HIS LAST GAME. Hopefully the vikings can pull a big surprise.
    For next weeks prediction i think the panthers are gonna win since steve smith’s back.  Damn but w/e !!

  • Childress is WACK

    to all those mother fuckin haterz about this blog… Why the hell did u even land on this page? Conspiracy?? How fuckin real can you be? sarcasm was written all over this blog. By the way… I fuckin hate NFL media for telling everyone vikings are gonna be superbowl contenders! are they even close of being superbowl contenders? was bernard berrian the answer to the vikings? jarded allen is gonna sack more than once in a game? Way to fuckin jynx us.  I just knew it… i’m just a fuckin vikings fan with an angry face!!!!!

  • wozzman

    Why did they run FATDUMB(DENNY GREEN) out of Minn?
    @least the guy  knew how to  get some W’s with  what  he had
    Who drafted Moss and Culppeper?
    I never thought  Culppepper was that  good really, but Moss
    is the Real Deal(even though he’s a Turd)
    I think your looking at  a Coach that just  didnt get it right when he had a chance to learn
    He must  not have taken many  notes and relied on his Pshyc Degree.
    Please let me say that  Packer fans are sorry for the” STAIN ON THE BIG  SHEET OF LIFE”known  as FOF.He posts on the blogs here too in Wis.
    Once again The Packers hit the right man  at the right time forthe job,a name no one knew.Mike Who? Who The  WHAT THE,WHERE DID THEY  COME UP WITH HIM.
    Its happend before in GB,back in the late 50′s ,The Packers board of Directors sat  with mouths open  at the suggestion  of one of the  memebers that said they  should look into hiring a assistant coach named Lombardi from the NY Giants to  run the Packers.He was not considerd a sexy pick at the time either.
    I would like to take this op to  wish all Vikings fans the best of luck in the future,you have a great state and a Football Team that you can  be proud of(if you want to know how to  be proud of a bad team,just  ask Packer fans who watched the 70′s,80′s Packer Teams)
    I would also like to take this op to thank GOD for blessing my Green Bay Packers through out,  time and time again.

  • earth_unbalanced

    What’s truly depressing is the number of people commenting here who think that this is a serious post. Grow some brains, folks.

  • Gravedigger

    Yeah, this is so funny I can’t believe a Queens fan wrote it!

  • I know who Carl Gerbschmidt is.

    Gregg?  Gregg Swedberg?  Is that you?

  • Leo

    Sad, Sad, Sad…

  • Packer Fan

    AHAHAHAHHAHAHA  You sir… are an idiot.

  • Andrew

    Your delusional theory is a prime example of why the entire state of Minnesota will be “shocked” when the Vikes up and move to LA for the 2011 season.  They’re gone man, gone.  Childress is a terrible coach.  They’ve done nothing to improve their team from last year’s other than sign an admittedly great defensive end and a mediocre wide receiver.  Buh bye Vikes.

  • Judge Smails

    Quit your crying! The world needs ditch diggers too. You need to come to terms with the fact that the Vikings are the Cubs of the NFL! You’ll get nothing and like it!!!!

  • PackerBacker

    Hey Hosers,

    Why don’t you just draft a QB like the Packers did?  It’s not that hard to find one.  Following around good teams and drooling over thier sloppy seconds is just embarassing.

  • George

    The problem with Vikings fans is that they take themselves way too seriously to be funny, and are being laughed at way too much to be taken seriously by the rest of the NFL. One Jeff Garcia away from ‘total domination’? Yup. You nailed it. That would make you guys officially unbeatable. Let me ask you a question if old fancy-pants Garcia is behind center, do you guys still pick up a long run on 3rd down? No. Your play-calling sucks, because your coach sucks. Your passing game sucks because your GM and coach suck, they reached on Travaris and have since asked way too much of him. What you need to do is to stop relying on your defense to bail you out of every situation, because last I checked EJ Henderson was the most overrated defender in the league, right behind Darren “All I do is give up big plays and grab INTs in garbage time” Sharper and Jared “I talk way too much” Allen. Keep up the good work.

  • Dan

    is there also a conspiracy to make you choke every year?

  • George

    Oh, and Jared Allen got 9 of his 15.5 scaks last year against backup offensive tackles in a 3 week span. Congrats on ‘Herschel Walker 2′!

    Oh and by the way,

    any writer who scribes something as low-class as this, deserves to be taken as serious as Nicole Ritchie at an all-you-can-eat buffet….

    “they’d rather have us suffer with Tarvaris Jackson than smoke all their asses and claim the Lombardi Trophy.”

    Lol. Unreal. This is a real website, ie is there someone in charge of accountability, a boss? No wonder the Vikings fans are crushed by dissapointment each year; they are getting bad info from their writers…who by the way are most likely hopped-up on Skoal tobacco pouches. (See below)

    I see things are on the up-and-up in ol’ Minnesota.

  • Mork Ork

    I can’t believe all the wierdos that are taking this seriously!  Don’t you know the meaning of tongue-in-cheek?????????
    Vikings fans need to lighten up and get a life.

  • YouJustDon’tGetIT

    Every Year the Queens spends millions and millions in FA.
    Every Year the Queens are the “team to beat”
    Every Year the Queens fall flat on their face.

  • Discipline

    Hey find the bright spot. Only 2 penalties for 5 yards…..that at least was a change…..

  • vuckthefikings

    Is T-Jack some stupid name those two morons from KFAN came up with?  Sounds like something two twin cidiots would come up with.  PA is THE worst play by play guy ever, in any sport. 
    For Instance, a few years ago against the Lions, PA says:
    ” Hes to the 40, the 30, the 25, 20, he is ggggoooooooonneeee, and down at the 28 yard line”.
    First off, this isnt baseball PunkAss, and Duschbag.  It’s football, and you aint gone, if you’s down at the 28 after being at the 20.  Sounds like the San Francisco version of John Madden.
    I don’t know what the Vikings will do the rest of the season, I hope they lose them all, but one thing I do know, Twin Cidiots are THE stupidist people on earth, hands down, while standing on your head, while sitting. 
    Good call PA.

  • Craig

    BAAAAAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA!

    Now is GUS the answer to your prayers?  Oh boy…the queens are grasping now!

    Let the rookie play!

  • Minnesota Train Wreck

    It doesn’t matter that that author wrote this tongue in cheek, what was written contains an inconvenient truth! There is a conspiracy against the Vikings to hold them down and keep them from winning a championship. Unfortunately for Vikings fans, it’s a conspiracy of one - the Vikings GM – and nothing will change until a few years AFTER ownership dumps the dumb GM. Unfortunately again for Vikings fans, ownership isn’t too bright either, at least not in football knowledge, or the GM would have already been sacked.

    So then, what you have is a self-inflicted incompetence from the top down, and that’s the unintentional conspiracy that will keep the Vikings fighting with Detroit to keep out of last place this year and beyond. Yes neighbors, the NFC North will belong to Green Bay and ocassionally Chicago for the foreseeable future, while ownership of the cellar will be fought out between the Vikings and Lions.

    There’s the conspiracy, there’s the truth. Read it and weep.

  • Hank

    Wow, it took 78 responses, but Minnesota Train Wreck nailed it with post #78. It is an unintended, self inflicted conspiracy of incompetence. One would assume it’s unintended incompetence anyway — or could it be intentional sabotage to weaken fan support in preparation to uproot the Vikings and move them to the messed (west) coast?

  • Jimbo

    Wow, do you really think it could be sabotage from within the organization?

  • Marcie

    I vote for the person who wrote post # 78 to be the new GM. Anyone who can cut through the smoke and fury and identify exactly what’s wrong that quickly has got to be better at the job than what we have now!

  • Dan

    Viqueen whining at its best.  Even the whining gets beat by the Chicago radio and their rants on how aweful whoever the quarterback is.  Purple and yellow pride.  Allen is really good too!…Not!  

  • the queens

    all you viking loves dream on when you are 32nd in the n.f.l and you and all you minor legue teams oh i meant you other pro teams in minnsucks. I am from denver where we have a real team and oh ya we won 2 super bowls not like you chockers like they say that is why your jerseys are purple that is how you chock. boo go and let l.a have your losers and oh ya wait a min what is that saying oh maybe next year. Just like you other losers teams in your loser state go blame someone else for you falures.

  • michael

    the reason the packers didnt want the vikings to get brett is the same reason they wouldnt have traded randy moss( back in the days when he was with the vikings) to the packers,but how about the pack trades brett to the viking for adrian peterson.

  • Vikings

    The Vikings are the worse in the NFC North

  • Wolfgang

    About post number 83

    It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen the written language abused as much as in that post. I don’t usually comment on grammar, but the misspellings, clack of punctuation, lack of capitalization, and the inability to express oneself in complete sentences is just too pathetic to pass by it without comment.

    Even at that, if the writer wasn’t being a total dickhead I would have overlooked it, but when someone has no purpose other than to belittle and can’t string together words any better than a 5th grader, someone needs to point out one thing…your arrogance is only overshadowed by your ignorance, but just barely.

  • Warning from Packer Nation

    Viking Fans,

    Be on the lookout for the following: F0F (aka Football_Fan, Fan_of_Football), BenWashington, and 8957t.  They were last seen terrorizing the Packer fans and are believed to be heading West in a stolen laptop.

    If you see them, beat the shit of out of them because they are scum of the earth.  That is all.

  • GoPKGo

    Wow.  You gotta be kidding me??  Sounds to me like you better continue your losing ways so you gat get first pick in the draft and maybe get what you want.  Of course, there’s no telling how good that will work out so the next thing to do is pull a Hershel Walker trade again and get the second draft pick as well.  Odds will be on your side that one of them will work out.

  • GoPKGo

    I’m still shocked about this article!  Wow, a conspiracy?  If it were even half true, isn’t making trades, doing the draft, etc. all about making your team better first?  Why would anyone make a trade to improve someone else first?  If you seriously think the QB is the weak spot on the team, maybe you should make a serious offer!  History is full of examples.  Afterall, GB did that with Hasselback (Seattle), Detmer (Philidelphia), Pederson (Philidelphia), Aaron Brooks (New Orleans) and Brunell (Washington?) over the years including Favre (NYJets) and even had O’Sullivan (San Fran) on their roster.  Gruden will trade but the offer is something that needs to take his team over the top as it did (and will again) in GB!  

  • beeman

    HAY WOLFGANG,

    WOW YOU MUST BE FROM MINNESOTA AND A SORE VIKINGS FAN AT LEAST I CHEER FOR A REAL TEAM THE BRONCOS AND WHO MANY TIMES HAVE WE BEEN CHAMPS OF WIT THAT WOULD BE BACK TO BACK UNLIKE YOU LOSER TEAM GO BACK AND HIDE UNDER THE SNOW YOU CRY BABY!

  • frankenstein

    The Vikes have always, and will always be chokers.  The organization sucks, the fans are horrible and the owners are morons.  I lived two blocks from the metrodome for almost 10 years and I had to listen to this same kind of garbage which made me sick then and still does now.  There is no conspiracy but maybe the rest of us should rethink that fact.  Retards!

  • Jason

    This is obvious satire. What is wrong with all you literal-minded people?

    Also, go Pack!

  • http://landryhat davedallasfan

    IS EVERYBODY THATS A DENVER FAN A COMPLETE FRICKIN MORON????? LOOKS LIKE IT

  • BartStarr

    Gus, huh?  Wow.  Sux to be a Viqueen fan.

  • Childress

    Direct snap to Peterson every time! This is your best shot.

  • Childress

    Culpepper is still available?

  • Bryan

    The Vikings couldn’t win the Super Bowl even when they had competent QB play. Fran Tarkenton is a Hall of Famer QB that some how managed to lose THREE Super Bowls. He threw 1 touchdown and six interceptions in his three Super Bowl appearances.
    If the Vikings are serious about wanting to win a Super Bowl, then they need to fire Brad Childress. The guy is terrible. He maybe the worst play caller I’ve seen in my entire life. Why did he have Jackson attempt 35 passes against the Packers? The game was never out of reach, yet for some reason Childress puts it in the hands of Jackson to win it.

  • Vladtheimpaler

    Okay, the fine art of sarcasm has been lost on the “lug-bolts” out there – note quite a few from GB land. Okay, may NOT have been super human funny, but it was amusing… the thought of a conspiracy is kind of funny, since the general circumstances prevail as true! However, it boils down to the basics – Childress (aka “Poindexter”) is neither brilliant nor genius! He would make a good equipment manager with a little seasoning… Jackson is NOT a #1 pick and especially NOT worth trading UP to get. He will look good with clipboard, however harsh it seems. He is not professional ready… and to the guy who intuited the absolute truth that all gloss over – the receivers are an embarrassment to the NFL – I at 50 could still cover Bobby Wade, SLOW AND 10 YARD HOOKS ARE NOT A DANGER. Wouldn’t NEED to cover Visanthe Shiancoe! Berrian is poor man’s Willie Gault – I am tired of the “speedy” moniker…. Troy “Spoons” Williamson was also “Speedy”. Give me professional, give me talented I will give you Super Bowls,
    Lastly, Sharper playing 20 yds downfield on 3rd and 9 against Indy… not much heart in that gamer. NO pass rush WITH Allen, so it wasn’t ONE guy needed, NO secondary except for #26, the only stud in our backfield. The rest are sieves!
    Childress will be looking around in off-season. My prediction will prove true. Everything he has asked for he got and average is all we can expect – the Mind of Poindexter will assure it!

  • SkolMan

    Anyone that refers to the Vikings as the “Queens” is obviously too fucking stupid to live.

  • http://www.atssportsline.com/NFL_Live_Odds.aspx NFL Vegas Odds

    lol @ comment number 8.  That’s awesome.