It doesn’t take much to get Jared Allen going – just accuse him of being a dirty player and stand back and enjoy the verbal carnage. On Gary Kubiak‘s charge that he intentionally injured Matt Schaub‘s knee:
I just heard about [the comments] today. If I hadn’t read the paper, I wouldn’t know who the hell [Kubiak] is. But people can say what they want. I’m not a dirty player. I’ve been in the league a long time, my reputation speaks for itself. I don’t ever intend to hurt people. I talked to Matt Schaub after the game and said, “Hey, man, how’s your knee?” We’re competitors. He’s got the ball in his hand and I’m trying to take down the quarterback. I never do [things] intentionally to hurt people. But if a coach wants to spout off that I’m a dirty player because they lost the game, well, whatever.
We play a violent game, and we all know when we sign our names on that dotted line that there are going to be injuries, there is going to be pain. That’s what we do. It makes us feel alive. And then for us to get punished for it is kind of one of those things where you’re like, “Whatever.”
Maybe they want to protect the quarterback because they want to say it’s an offensive-driven league. Well, I don’t believe in that. I play defense. I believe this is a defensive-driven league.
I watch the old greats of Dick Butkus, Jack Youngblood and Jack Lambert. Hell, those guys were playing through broken legs. Those guys were forearm-shivering each other to the face. But guess what? People loved to watch the game because that’s what football is about.”
AC sprain, separation, or whatever the hell that is. I don’t know, [grade] three or something? I don’t know what that means.
They tried to amputate it earlier. That was tough. I did some electric shock therapy. I don’t know what that had to do with my shoulder though. They recommended heroin, but I said that was against all league policies, so I stayed well away from that. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Rehab stuff. You’d have to talk to [the trainers] about that.
There’s nothing I can do about it now. Our paychecks will be cut in half. It is what it is. McCain, I still love you. We still love you in Arizona. Obama, you better do what you promised because, well, the whole country’s watching.
Does he have any thoughts about Amy Winehouse’s husband being released from jail? What’s his position on global warming? Prop 8? I think we can imagine the answer to the last two. As Jared would say: Whatever.