Real football fans will be watching the Badgers play UNLV tonight. Here are the five things I’ll be looking at when I review the tape of the Vikings-Texans game tomorrow:
1. Donovan McNabb’s Sideline Antics
Donovan is hilarious on the sidelines with his wacky pantomimes and other antics. I hope the broadcast cuts away often to Donovan making his teammates crack up. In fact, why should they even bother with the game? Just let Donovan do pratfalls and funny imitations for three hours. It would be more entertaining by far.
2. That Ever-Infectious Mike Mayock Enthusiasm
I don’t know about you, but I can’t get enough of Mike Mayock thinking every player is Hall of Fame material. Cord Parks? That guy’s going to Canton. To hear Mayock tell it, the Vikings have the most talent-laden roster in the history of football. The last guy on the bench for the Vikings is better than the best player on every other team. I also love it when he talks about which guys are flashing. For a second I thought there was an epidemic of dudes showing their dongs on the Vikings, then I realized “flashing” means “doing really well and impressing people.” The only one flashing the other way is Visanthe Shiancoe.
3. The Turf
There’s nothing more lovely than fake grass, especially when it shines so beautifully under the lights. And the fake grass is even more gorgeous now that the Dome has that translucent roof. The light in there is so heavenly I keep expecting angels to spring forth from the fifty yard line and begin dancing with Adrian Peterson, who of course is an angel himself.
4. Leslie Frazier Standing There Looking Befuddled While Some Assistant Explains Something to Him
Leslie doesn’t need to know everything about everything that’s going on. That’s what his assistants are for. I just love the blank stare that comes over Leslie’s face when one of his underlings starts yelling something at him, like last week when Mike Priefer was all torqued off about Gerald Sensabaugh vaulting the line on his field goal block. I also enjoy watching Bill Musgrave who I have now nicknamed Mr. Twitch. Either that guy is incredibly intense or he’s suffering from some weird neurological disease.
5. Positional Battles
Yup there are still some of those left. Will it be Devin Aromashodu, Manny Arceneaux, Jaymar Johnson or Greg Camarillo at receiver? Or two of those? Or none of those? What about Juaquin Iglesias? When will I lose the overwhelming urge to call him Enrique? Will Ryan D’Imperio stick? Will it be Jamarca Sanford or Tyrell Johnson at safety? Is Marcus Sherels a lock? There’s a lot of intrigue there, just not enough to make me miss Russell Wilson’s debut with the Badgers. Gotta prioritize.