The other day I listed my five most intriguing teams of 2013. Now let’s do the flip-side and talk about the teams that are the absolute least intriguing. These are teams no sane person gives two craps about. And this includes their own fans.
5. San Diego Chargers
The Norv Turner era is mercifully over in San Diego. And now they are coached by…who exactly are they coached by? Actually who cares? Philip Rivers is washed-up and that team is going nowhere. They are a good candidate to finish dead-last in that division. And the fricking Raiders are in that division.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars
Consistently one of the least intriguing teams in the entire league. And that won’t change this year. Who is their quarterback again? I know they didn’t sign Tebow cause he went to New England. Well who really gives a crap? They will be lucky to win four games. The biggest story around this team will be speculation about a move to Los Angeles or London. Move them to frigging Mongolia, who cares?
3. Oakland Raiders
Al Davis’ slow-deteriorating zombie face provided the only real entertainment value in Oakland over the years but now Al is dead. Now the Raiders are just another badly-run NFL franchise with no chance to compete for a playoff spot unless something really bizarre happens. Their quarterback is Matt Flynn? You can’t be serious. Way to go Raiders on that bit, Raiders.
2. Detroit Lions
Can the Lions rebound from their crappy performance in 2012? Who really gives a damn? This is just a team full of thugs with a thug coach. Yes Megatron is amazing. But that defense is trash and Matthew Stafford is just a stat-machine who doesn’t win significant games. Oh but now they have Reggie Bush. So they’ll get back in the playoffs? Please. Bury this franchise cause it’s dead again. The only fun will be watching Jim Schwartz slowly lose the locker room. I hope Suh punches him.
1. New York Jets
The Jets will be marginally less annoying this year without Tim Tebow around. But they will still be insanely annoying because they still have Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez. And now they have Geno Smith who looks like a real turd-in-waiting. Congrats to the Jets on replacing the Cowboys as the team America loves to hate. Actually, congrats to ESPN on that. Their over-coverage of this crapshow team is the real reason everyone hates them.