Sam Ponder loves her some America. Just look at those boots. No I said look at the BOOTS. Okay you can stop looking now. Seriously, stop looking. It’s getting creepy up in here.
Dang, Sam Ponder. Makes me wanna fly a flag if you know what I mean.
All right I apologize for that. I apologize specifically to Christian Ponder. That was highly gross of me. I’ll make it up to you, Christian. How will I make it up to you? I promise not to rip you for the first three games of the season. Even if you play terrible. Which I know you won’t.
Don’t listen to Ron Jaworski, Christian! No way are you one of the worst quarterbacks in the league. You’re better than that Brandon Weeden guy. Has he ever gotten his team to the playoffs? More importantly, is he married to a TV personality?
I think not. So stuff it Jaworski. What do you know anyway? You stink so bad in the booth they replaced you with Gruden. All that guy does is suck up! Maybe you should suck up more, Jaws. Then people would like you.
Dang, Mankato can’t come fast enough. Get me out of these doldrums. Anyway, thanks Sam Ponder. Thanks for wearing those boots. And loving America.