New Stadium Won’t Be a Dump Like Metrodome, Infographic Assures

photo credit: Vikings

The infographic. They’re how information is shared on the internet. Infographics are great for several reasons. 1: There aren’t too many words. 2: There are little pictures that explain things. 3: They’re fun!

The Vikings – cause they’re a very hip and happening organization – have gotten on the infographic thing as a means of touting the new stadium and all its many amenities.

Things I learned from the Vikings’ stadium infographic:

New Stadium will have 8,000 club seats to Metrodome’s paltry 243.

New Stadium will stretch over 1,750,000 square feet, compared to the Metrodome’s puny 900,000 (Zygi Wilf has mansions bigger than that).

New Stadium will have a whopping seven seating levels, while the Metrodome had only three (because it sucked).

New Stadium will have 11 elevators and 32 escalators. Metrodome had just 3 elevators and ZERO escalators. Can you believe that? ZERO escalators. Was it built by some pre-industrial civilization?

New Stadium will have a retail store. The Metrodome did NOT have a retail store. SERIOUSLY, HOW DID MINNESOTA SURVIVE ALL THOSE YEARS WITH SUCH A GARBAGE STADIUM???

Wireless internet? New Stadium yes. Metrodome? I think you know the answer. Big fat no.

Wheelchair and companion seats. Metrodome had 190, New Stadium will have 658. Metrodome designers hated the disabled, New Stadium designers love and embrace them.

Restroom fixtures. Okay this is important. Metrodome had just 435 (hence the troughs). New Stadium will have…979! With that many fixtures, peeing will be a positive pleasure. People will buy tickets JUST TO VISIT THE RESTROOMS!

Concourse width. No seriously, concourse width. Metrodome: 24 feet on average. Barely enough room for three fat Viking fans to walk side-by-side. New Stadium? 32-50 feet. Plenty of room even for morbidly obese fans to spread out.

Here’s the really mindblowing one though: Video board square footage. Metrodome’s video board was 646 square feet, or about the size of the average rapper’s television. New Stadium? 12,560 square feet! That’s almost Jerry Jonesian!

Well the infographic has done its work. I’m convinced. New Stadium is going to be awesome. Not at all a craphole like that other place. Thanks Vikings. And farewell Dumptrodome.

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