Oh wait. You don’t remember do you. Because neither of you actually follows sports. You depend on a team of low-paid lackeys to prep you and apparently they suck at their jobs because none of them realized the Vikings sealed their stadium deal months ago and are no longer candidates to move to L.A. Well it’s a tough job working up show prep for a major national radio program. If only there were a tool that could make life easier for these folks. Some means of quickly gathering large amounts of information from various sources? Something that feeds directly into a PC or phone and can be accessed at relatively low cost 24 hours a day?

Get on that, science. And when you’re done with that, you need to do a study of this Skip Bayless guy. I think he might be an alien or some kind of freakish mutant.

Seriously though, this is truly embarrassing. But at the same time, is it really surprising? I mean this is ESPN we’re talking about. The same people who think it’s worthwhile putting Stephen A. Smith, Chris Berman and Woody Paige on television. Probably shouldn’t expect much in the way of competence from them. Then again, it’s not like anyone really cares about the Vikings. They’re not important like the Jets, Knicks or Yankees. Or Tiger Woods. Or that Tebow guy. They’re just an NFL team with a fairly sizable and very loyal international following.

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Jan 14, 2012, Foxborough, MA, USA; Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow (15) walks off the field after an AFC Divisional playoff game against the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium. The Patriots defeated the Broncos 45-10. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-US PRESSWIRE

Any argument that the Vikings should make a trade for Tim Tebow is built upon two pillars. Pillar #1 is Bill Musgrave’s obvious affection for the kind of option plays that Tebow ran so effectively in Denver. Pillar #2 is Zygi Wilf’s assumed desire to generate buzz around the team in hopes of helping the stadium effort. It’s not easy to entirely dismiss either of these points, but dismiss them I will. Tim Tebow should not even be spoken of as an option for the Vikings, pure and simple. I don’t want to hear about intangibles. I don’t want to hear about leadership ability. I don’t want to hear about God bestowing His favor on the Vikings. It shouldn’t happen, and it’s not going to happen.

There’s one simple reason why it shouldn’t happen: Tim Tebow isn’t a very good quarterback. I know, I know. He made the playoffs. He beat the Steelers in the playoffs. He’s a WINNER. The points on both sides of this argument are so tired I don’t even feel like going over them again. He was good in a gimmick offense on a team in a terrible division. The Vikings, in case you haven’t noticed, are in arguably the best division in the NFL. And though Musgrave does seem to like gimmick plays, no one in their right mind thinks running those plays all the time is the road to success. Leslie Frazier himself has declared the Joe Webb package dead and buried. No more option in Minnesota. Therefore, no Tebow.

And even if for some reason Rick Spielman had a thing for Tebow and wanted to give him a look, why in heck would you willingly invite the madness that surrounds Tebow? Could you imagine the effect Tebow’s arrival would have on Christian Ponder? Some worried about Ponder’s confidence last year when fans started booing him. Having the Tebowmaniacs on his ass would likely destroy every last shred of self-assurance Ponder possessed. Don’t think the Tebow effect is real? Talk to Matt Flynn who reportedly crossed Denver off his list of potential destinations precisely because he didn’t want to put up with Tebowmania.

I know what Tebowmaniacs will say in response to this. Trade Ponder away and create an offense built for Tebow and Joe Webb. Think of the amazing possibilities you could unleash with Tebow, Webb, Percy Harvin, Adrian Peterson and a couple good tight ends. Yes the mind boggles. So many fascinating 28-17 losses where Tebow runs for 100 yards and throws for 75, and the defense is gassed by halftime because the offense can’t produce first downs. Where do I sign up?

The purely football-related reasons for not wanting Tebow are many and obvious. My other good reason for not wanting Tebow is entirely personal: I’ve already had more than enough of the Ponderpologists and their excuse-making, so the thought of having the Tebowmaniacs in here frankly makes me sick. If Tebow did come I would probably have to give up blogging entirely. “Hey, there’s a good reason for them to get Tebow. It will clear this a-hole off the internet! Make it happen Rick Spielman.”

Seriously though, enough of the Tim Tebow talk. The whole point of drafting Christian Ponder was to make our offseasons free of quarterback speculation. It was bad enough that people wanted Peyton Manning. It was even worse that some (including me, I admit) wanted Robert Griffin III. Can we just now put all that crap behind us and focus on what we have? Ponder is a young QB with potential. Sure he has issues but guess what? Tebow has issues too. Tebow has more issues than Christian Ponder. And Tebow’s issues are not fixable with more reps.

Let some other team – the Browns maybe; Brad Childress did like Tebow before the draft in 2010 – bring on the Tebow circus. The Vikings need peace and quiet and above all a settled quarterback situation. A #1 receiver would help too but…everything in its due time.

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Follow Dan Zinski on Twitter.