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28 Sep

10 Reasons Brett Favre Is Not Jesus

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Packer fans seem to think their quarterback Brett Favre is Jesus. Well, I can assure you that he certainly is not. In fact, Jesus and Brett Favre have very little in common. Here then are ten reasons Brett Favre is not Jesus:

1. Jesus was born 2000 years ago. But Brett Favre isn’t a day over 600.

2. Jesus died and was resurrected only once, whereas Favre has been left for dead by the media numerous times and brought himself back (often by torching mediocre secondaries while in a state of grief over the recent death of a loved-one).

3. Jesus, as far as I know, was never hooked on Vicodin. Though he was known to munch the occasional suspicious leaf.

4. Jesus performed great miracles like turning water into wine and bringing back the dead. The only miracle Favre ever performed was making Donald Driver and Robert Brooks look like real NFL receivers.

5. Jesus never starred in a movie with Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz. He did however have a cameo in Porky’s 2, but he made sure that was left out of his official bio.

6. Jesus never took a dive so Michael Strahan could get a meaningless sack record. He did occasionally let Simon the Zealot beat him at Yahtzee however.

7. Jesus relieved the suffering of the masses by giving them hope, then died for their sins. Favre relieved the suffering of Packer fans by bringing them a Super Bowl, but has thus far managed to put off the whole dying thing. Any time now Brett…

8. Jesus’s mortal enemy was Pontius Pilate. Brett Favre’s mortal enemy is acid-reflux.

9. Let’s face it - Jesus would never be caught dead in Wisconsin.

10. Jesus never had sex with John Madden.

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14 Responses to “10 Reasons Brett Favre Is Not Jesus”

  1. 1
    Helen Says:

    This was lame!

  2. 2
    mikefrieman Says:

    um….you’re an idiot. you’re right ….he’s not jesus. HE’S COOLER THAN JESUS! BECAUSE HE KICKS THE VIKINGS ASS A LOT!!

  3. 3
    jd Says:

    yea 4 real what was the vikings 07 resord again?
    and what was the packers?
    well that the stats do the talking
    so fuck the vikings

  4. 4
    Paul Says:

    Crap like this is why I hate Vikings fans.

  5. 5
    J$ Says:

    Why are you on a Vikes site again?   Anyway, no need to worry because Favre is done.  Did you see the Pack’s site today, or do you just browse Vikings sites? Too bad the Pack are no longer a "Cold Weather" team.  Enjoy the next 10 years of suck in Green Bay.  We’ll be riding Mr. Peterson to the Super Bowl in case you want to jump on board now.  Let me spare you your 1 comeback.  We have zero Super Bowl rings, but one is coming soon. 

  6. 6
    Ijah Sheps Says:

    So I’m assuming you don’t recall the game when the Packers beat the Vikings even with Adrian Peterson rushing 200 some yards.
    Whoever wrote that is the most feeble minded
    person on the internet.

    Get a life loser.

  7. 7
    Michael Says:

    Wow.  And this is the reason I HATE living in Minnesota and can not wait to move.  Have respect for a guy who has given nothing but respect to anyone he meets.  And Brett Favre may not be Jesus but he’s prety damn close.

  8. 8
    Tom Says:

    If Jesus were to ever meet Brett Favre, he would promptly kneel down at Brett’s feet.

  9. 9
    The real viking fan Says:

    Oh god, I think I’m gonna throw up.  Hey Paul, WTF do you expect?  You’re on a Vikings fan site dumb ass! Hey JD, the Packers overachieved,  your hall of fame QB is no more and will be soon forgotten, it’s really gonna hit you guys when you see what you really had at QB when Favre is gone, he made 9-7 teams 13-3, turned 6-10 teams to 10-6.  It’s gonna be hillarious when your team go’s 6-10, finally no more trash talking for you guys, you’ll just be put in your place.  Pack is Wack, your state smells like my dirty nut sack. hahahaha

  10. 10
    "The Great One" Says:

    I really hate the goddamn vikings. You guys sucked cock for as long as you’ve been in the league. You’re just pissed off you didn’t get Favre! Now you suck in every sport(Especially since you’ve lost Garnett)and go right ahead and try to “ride” Peterson to the playoffs…Too bad you guys will probably fuck that up and trade him for someone like…I don’t know…a quarterback? Try one once, it’s nice to WIN games! Like they say, you bastards are purple because you’ve been chaking for 40+ years! GO PACK!!!

  11. 11
    Superstar Says:

    you viking fans are real fags. whoever wrote this is gay. why would you disrespect BRETT FAVRE for what he did after his father died and lit the raiders up in the memory of his father

  12. 12
    thelandryhat Says:

    Show some respect, Superstar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. 13
    Steve Says:

    Viking fan, packer fan, or whatever, this was lame.

  14. 14
    vikingvance Says:

    From a Vikiing fan. Brett was a class act and a joy to watch play. Far from  the lack of class exhibited in the language being used by some of his fans. We can have a rivalry without that. Let’s face it, there is no better NFL rivalry than the Vikes and Pack. We don’t have to behave like the jerks in the big markets to have funThanks Steve

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