Everything Power Rankings, July 28

Dark Knight rules the roost. Also…the goatee. Love it? Hate it?

1 The Dark Knight Finally saw it. Better than I thought it would be. There are a couple of crescendoes in there where it feels like the best thing ever done along these lines. Then it goes on a half-hour too long and gets a tad preachy. Yup, the world is full of bad people. Yup, 9/11 continues to resonate. Yup, having half your face burned off sucks the big one.
2 Heath Ledger as The Joker I’m not going to rain on anyone’s parade because it’s a fabulous performance of its type…but it’s really just hambone acting and not as rife with undercurrents as people want to believe.
3 Maggie Gyllenhaal A lot of people don’t like her and I get why…she’s different, and she made some political remarks some people didn’t like. But I’ve dug her since Secretary. I think she’s sexy, and I think it’s cool that Bruce Wayne would go around with bimbos as part of his playboy cover but actually want this quirky, aggressive professional chick (who is way more interesting than the Katie Holmes version).
4 Christian Bale He’s on top of the world, then his crackie family shows up wanting money and dissing his wife, and he yells at them and the cops and media are all over him. I don’t blame him for popping off on his doper family. That being said…this guy has issues we don’t wanna know about.
5 Shia LaBeouf So his great aspiration in life is to be the male Lindsay Lohan? Okay.
6 Milwaukee Brewers Four game showdown begins tonight with the Cubs. Cubs’ bats have been cold. Sabathia has been lights out. A split in Brewtown would be a victory for the Cubbies.
7 Chilly’s Goatee I thought Childress couldn’t get any cooler. I was wrong.
8 Jared Owning Bryant Should I be so gleeful that Mount is getting owned on a minute-by-minute basis by 69? At what point will Mount get tired of the beating and just put Jared in a headlock?
9 Sigur Ros The band Coldplay would kill to be. Check out any of their albums. Gorgeousness was never so gorgeous.
10 Mahmoud Ahmadinejad I can’t believe we’ve turned this fly-fart short-bus rider into a boogeyman. Are we all just stupid?

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