Everything Power Rankings, August 4
By Dan Zinski
That guy. I don’t need to say his name do I? Also…hating on the Olympics. Loving the Cubs. Really, really loving Feist…
| 1 | You know who… | Somebody do something!!! | |
| 2 | Dark Knight Box Office | It’s already cracked the top 10. It will never catch Titanic. I see it settling in behind Shrek 2 at #4 all-time. | |
| 3 | Cubs Sweep Brewers | I have a lot of relatives who are Brewers fans. They didn’t have a lot to say after this. I think everyone knows which is the superior team now. Cubs will win the division by 10 games at least. | |
| 4 | Not Caring About the Olympics | Don’t care about the opening ceremony. Don’t care about the basketball. The gymnastics. The crooked runners. China. Smog. George Bush showing up. Michael Phelps. Any of it… | |
| 5 | Morgan Freeman | Morgan Freeman crashed his ’97 Nissan Maxima and busted up his arm. Now everyone knows he drives a ’97 Nissan Maxima. Someone needs to make Shawshank Redemption 2 so Morgan can get himself paid. | |
| 6 | Jared Allen’s Beard | He made a big thing about not caring if people hated it, then said it was too hot and shaved it. I don’t know what to think about men who are flighty with their facial hair. It worries me in some impossible-to-describe way. | |
| 7 | Alexander Solzhenitsyn | I just thought at least one football blog in the world should mention his passing. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is something everyone should read once. | |
| 8 | Preseason | I wanna be psyched. I try to be psyched. I can’t be psyched. It sucks soooooo bad. | |
| 9 | Feist | How much do I love Feist? I’m not even sick of “One Two Three Four” yet… | |
| 10 | John McCain | This is what American politics does…it makes honorable people behave dishonorably. And we think our Democracy works? |