Everything Power Rankings, August 4

That guy. I don’t need to say his name do I? Also…hating on the Olympics. Loving the Cubs. Really, really loving Feist…

1 You know who… Somebody do something!!!
2 Dark Knight Box Office It’s already cracked the top 10. It will never catch Titanic. I see it settling in behind Shrek 2 at #4 all-time.
3 Cubs Sweep Brewers I have a lot of relatives who are Brewers fans. They didn’t have a lot to say after this. I think everyone knows which is the superior team now. Cubs will win the division by 10 games at least.
4 Not Caring About the Olympics Don’t care about the opening ceremony. Don’t care about the basketball. The gymnastics. The crooked runners. China. Smog. George Bush showing up. Michael Phelps. Any of it…
5 Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman crashed his ’97 Nissan Maxima and busted up his arm. Now everyone knows he drives a ’97 Nissan Maxima. Someone needs to make Shawshank Redemption 2 so Morgan can get himself paid.
6 Jared Allen’s Beard He made a big thing about not caring if people hated it, then said it was too hot and shaved it. I don’t know what to think about men who are flighty with their facial hair. It worries me in some impossible-to-describe way.
7 Alexander Solzhenitsyn I just thought at least one football blog in the world should mention his passing. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is something everyone should read once.
8 Preseason I wanna be psyched. I try to be psyched. I can’t be psyched. It sucks soooooo bad.
9 Feist How much do I love Feist? I’m not even sick of “One Two Three Four” yet…
10 John McCain This is what American politics does…it makes honorable people behave dishonorably. And we think our Democracy works?

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