How Jared Allen Spent His Bye Week

Jared Allen has been doing a blog for the Pioneer-Press all season (if I ever paid attention to the Pioneer-Press, which tends to take on a weak-sister role to the Star-Trib in terms of Vikings coverage, I might actually have noticed this sooner).  Today’s post is about the bye week and all the fun Jared had killing birds with Chad Greenway and getting his driver’s license.  Here’s Jared in giddy teenager mode:

"I also got my driver’s license on Tuesday. It was awesome. I went back to Arizona [his offseason home] to fill out some paperwork and get reinstated. I took my 1969 Caddy out that day, and then I got back up here and drove my Jeep around. It’s been nice. It’s nice to have that freedom back."

Jared’s license was ripped because of his DUIs.  And we’re supposed to believe he never drove the whole time it was suspended?  Uh-huh.  And Paris Hilton is a virgin too.

Of course, because this is Jared Allen’s blog, there is a rant about freedom – specifically, the freedoms he thinks players should be afforded during their bye week:

"We’re not kids. We’re grown men. Some of these [players] in here are dang near older than some of the coaches, and you’re going to tell me, “We’re going to keep you here because we don’t want you to get in trouble?” We’re grown men. No one needs a babysitter.People are going to do what they’re going to do regardless of what guidelines and rules you put out there. For coach [Brad Childress] to do that [let the players leave] shows a lot of trust in the players, and no one got into trouble."

Jared’s clearly not big on rules.  He demonstrated that with his assertion that players should be able to scream at and berate officials all they please because it says so in the Bill of Rights.  Fortunately, he seems to have gotten past that whole “I can drink all I want cause I’m over 21 and my daddy says I’m a man now” bit that caused some of his issues in the first place.  See Jared?  Sometimes it’s good to have rules.  Like the one you impose on yourself that says you’re not going to spend your off-season completely fried and driving around endangering other people.  Seriously – the more this guy talks, the dumber he seems.  And I’d really like to know the context of his whole rant about getting to leave on the bye week too.  Did Herm Edwards have some kind of strict rule?  I’m sure Chilly’s not as big a dick as Herm – the only rule the Vikings have is, “Try to avoid public lewdness on boats.”  I’m sure Jared and Greenway behaved themselves while they were out in the woods snuffing pheasants.  And the fact that Jared got all the way out to Arizona and back without getting popped for anything bodes well too.