Beat-Up Vikings Visit Detroit, Blow-Out Expected

Is there a single sane, rational adult who thinks the Vikings have a shot against Detroit today? I mean besides the players. Of course they think they have a shot, but that’s just the never-say-die athlete mentality. Regular non-willfully-delusional humans all pretty much agree: the Vikings are in for an ass-whupping against Detroit.

Writing a game preview when you know your team has no chance and you yourself have emotionally checked out on the whole thing is somewhat difficult but I will press on. Okay, so how can the Vikings beat Detroit? Well I suppose Adrian Peterson could pull a Superman act and run for about 250 yards on his gimpy ankle. That’s if he plays. And of course he shouldn’t play. If Leslie Frazier and Bill Musgrave have any sense, Toby Gerhart will not only start today, he’ll run it about 40 times. And that should be the approach for the rest of the season. Yes I’ve flip-flopped. Before I thought the Vikings needed to open it up offensively because it would help Christian Ponder develop, but now I’m just worried about him getting killed. So it’s time for the old ground and pound. Run Toby’s legs off. If he breaks, find a new slow bulldozing running back. What’s Scottie Graham up to?

Christian Ponder himself is a big question mark for this game after missing practice time with a bruised hip. In true tough-guy fashion Ponder said he would take a pain killing injection if necessary to get on the field. Thanks Chris but I think you’d be better off sitting. Let Joe Webb got out there and take the beating. Who knows, maybe Joe will pull off an upset like last year against Philadelphia. Oh that’s right, the Vikings actually had a defense last year against Philly. Remember how Antoine Winfield destroyed Michael Vick? That was fun. Too bad Antoine is on IR.

I think by now we’ve conveyed how little chance we think the Vikes have against Detroit. Let’s put it this way: Jared Allen has a better chance of being elected mayor of Detroit than the Vikings have of beating the Lions. Zygi Wilf has a better chance of getting his Arden Hills dream stadium built. I can’t decide what’s in worse shape right now, the Vikings or Ryan Braun’s reputation.

Ah screw it. Let’s watch the cast of Community playing pop culture trivia.

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