The time has come to suck it up and do a 2012 NFL Mock Draft. Remember, this mock draft is for entertainment purposes only. In no way should it be used as part of a plan to destroy earth and/or Shawn Zobel. If this mock doesn’t satisfy your draft jones, hit up the good folks at DC Pro Sports Report who maintain a comprehensive mock draft database. The preliminaries are now out of the way, so let’s start guessing I mean mocking…
1. Indianapolis Colts
Andrew Luck (QB – Stanford)
Even Jim Irsay isn’t crazy enough to pass on Luck. Probably.
2. St. Louis Rams
Justin Blackmon (WR – Oklahoma State)
The Rams will probably trade this pick or take Matt Kalil. I’m God of this draft so they’re not taking Kalil.
3. Minnesota Vikings
Matt Kalil (OT – USC)
Here’s your Vikings left tackle for the next ten years. Unless he sucks. But he can’t suck. He’s a can’t-miss.
4. Cleveland Browns
Robert Griffin III (QB – Baylor)
Won the Heisman. Heisman winners never miss.
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Morris Claiborne (CB – LSU)
Played in the two most boring college football games in history.
6. Washington Redskins
Alshon Jeffery (WR – South Carolina)
Everyone thinks the Skins will trade out of this spot. I had to give them someone.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars
Quinton Coples (DE – North Carolina)
Kiper likes him so he must be good.
8. Carolina Panthers
David DeCastro (G – Stanford)
He’s big. He blocks.
9. Miami Dolphins
Ryan Tannehill (QB – Texas A&M)
Everybody likes quarterbacks.
10. Buffalo Bills
Riley Reiff (OT – Iowa)
Love those big uglies from the Big 10.
11. Kansas City Chiefs
Trent Richardson (RB – Alabama)
Played in the two most boring games in college football history.
12. Seattle Seahawks
Devon Still (DT – Penn State)
He’ll be happy to get out of Penn State.
13. Arizona Cardinals
Jonathan Martin (OT – Stanford)
Three Stanford players in the top 13? The hell?
14. Dallas Cowboys
Dre Kirkpatrick (CB – Alabama)
Puff puff pass
15. Philadelphia Eagles
Michael Floyd (WR – Notre Dame)
He’ll be happy to get away from Brian Kelly.
16. New York Jets
Whitney Mercilus (DE – Illinois)
18. San Diego Chargers
Nick Perry (DE/OLB – USC)
19. Chicago Bears
Kendall Wright (WR – Baylor)
20. Tennessee Titans
Brandon Thompson (DT – Clemson)
21. Cincinnati Bengals
Lamar Miller (RB – Miami)
23. Detroit Lions
Peter Konz (C – Wisconsin)
24. Pittsburgh Steelers
Dontari Poe (DT – Memphis)
25. Denver Broncos
Alfonzo Dennard (CB – Nebraska)
26. Houston Texans
Cordy Glenn (G – Georgia)
28. Green Bay Packers
Courtney Upshaw (OLB – Alabama)
29. Baltimore Ravens
Dont’a Hightower (LB – Alabama)
30. San Francisco 49ers
Janoris Jenkins (CB – North Alabama)
31. New York Giants
Chris Polk (RB – Washington)
32. New England Patriots
Mohamed Sanu (WR – Rutgers)