When is the off-season release of an unproductive scrub receiver big news? When the team is the Patriots and the scrub receiver is Chad Ochocinco. So the Ochocinco era in New England ends after one year, 15 catches, 1 TD and a whole lot of pointless reporting. But does this mean Ochocinco’s career is done? Not hardly. Ochocinco will certainly rise again. The question is, where will the rising happen. Here are five possibilities:
1. New York Jets
The Jets love signing ex-Patriots. And God knows they’re not afraid of bringing in over-exposed athletes who contribute very little on the field. So Ochocinco would seem a perfect fit. Only thing is, when Rex Ryan brings in a former Pat, it’s usually just to pick his brain about the Pats’ playbook. Ochocinco can’t really help with that, since he doesn’t actually know the Pats’ playbook.
2. Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins signed themselves up for Hard Knocks, apparently because they’re desperate to generate buzz. Well what would generate more buzz for them than bringing in Ochocinco (besides having Lauren Tannehill do a naked calendar posing with reptiles)? Miami was made for Ochocinco. His name sounds like something from Miami. If I were HBO I’d not only plead with Jeff Ireland to make this happen, I’d offer to pay half his salary.
3. Dallas Cowboys
Why would the Cowboys sign Ochocinco? Don’t they already have enough receivers? Isn’t Tony Romo’s life miserable enough? Yeah this one is probably pretty unlikely. But I just love it when Jerry Jones does questionable stuff and gets ripped. He gets so annoyed his face almost changes expression.
4. Chicago Bears
Why the heck not? He makes more sense as a #2 receiver than Devin Hester. And we know he won’t have any trouble learning Mike Tice’s offense. It’s Mike Tice. How complicated could it be? Also, if he flops as a receiver, he could beef up and play left guard.
5. Allen Wranglers
They have an opening. Just saying.
Why Not the Vikings?
Because we’re done picking up other people’s old broken down crap. It’s a new era in Minnesota. The era of fiscal responsibility. The era of Spielman. The era of winning.