Today in strained pop culture tie-in posts…10 Vikings who remind us of sharks for the way they stalked their prey. Obviously these are all defensive players. Offensive players as sharks? They’re more like gazelles. Sometimes rhinos. Kangaroos maybe. And occasionally turkeys.
1. Jared Allen
Jared is the Vikings’ current great white. He hunts down quarterbacks like a true apex predator. Sometimes he hunts down real animals too. And kills them with spears.
2. Antoine Winfield
Antoine’s probably not big enough to be a great white. Maybe he’s a mako. What’s a mako anyway? Maybe I should watch Shark Week and find out.
3. Robert Griffith
Griffith was the definition of the hard-hitting safety. What I wouldn’t give to have him back there right now, just spearing dudes. Taking proper ANGLES.
4. John Randle
Randle was quick and agile like a shark. Can sharks do spin moves? Oh yeah, they can. Well it’s not exactly the same thing but it’s close. Anyway, Randle was definitely a great white. He’d take your head off and smile doing it.
5. Chris Doleman
Nobody in Vikings history stalked quarterbacks like Chris Doleman. He got into the Hall of Fame for doing it. When he got a QB in his sights, it was pretty much like this scene from Jaws. And their moms would come all dressed in black and slap Roy Scheider in the face. Yup, I’ve seen that movie way too many times.
6. Al Noga
Okay Al Noga was never the great white. He was an okay defensive end who got lucky playing on a line with multiple Pro-Bowlers and had himself a couple good seasons as a result. He’s only on here cause he went to Hawaii and I figured that meant he had to be on here. He probably surfs, right?
7. Joey Browner
1,100 career tackles (estimated cause that wasn’t an official stat back in the day), 37 picks and 18 forced fumbles. That’s a safety. And a GREAT WHITE.
8. Scott Studwell
Hey we need a linebacker on here. I’m gonna snub all the linebackers? No way. Studwell, definite great white. Bringing the pain. And the crazy. LOTS of crazy.
9. Carl Eller
Carl Eller’s a legend. If he were a shark he’d be that shark from years ago that terrorized the sea, eating sailors right and left, and all the old-timers sit around with their pints and their hook hands telling the tales. You know, old guys with gray beards and sweaters. And really comical accents.
10. Paul Krause
He didn’t stalk quarterbacks or ball carriers so much. He stalked the ball. 81 career interceptions. Stealing the ball from the other team was his specialty. It was a little bit like this (warning: language) maybe. Like stealing somebody’s fish off their line. Kind of. (I did say it was a strained tie-in post).