Bryant McKinnie Still Isn’t Ready to Give Up

Jan 6, 2013; Baltimore, MD, USA;Baltimore Ravens offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie (78) smiles after beating the Indianapolis Colts 24-9 in the AFC Wild Card playoff game at M

Bryant McKinnie is the Jason Voorhees of left tackles. Just when you think you’ve finally killed him off, he rips the machete out of his chest and keeps on coming at you, relentless and unstoppable.

When he showed up out-of-shape at Ravens camp this offseason everyone assumed Jason McKinnie was done for. But McKinnie managed to conjure up that discipline he is always mysteriously able to find just when things seem their most dire and got his weight down enough to make the roster.

The Ravens put their faith in McKinnie by sticking him in as their starting left tackle. McKinnie has rewarded John Harbaugh’s faith by performing at a level that is putrid even by his standards. PFF currently ranks him 61 out of 72 offensive tackles and by their reckoning he has allowed 11 QB hurries.

Baltimore decided after week 4 that they’d seen enough of the ever-more-slow-footed McKinnie getting spun around like a top. So they went out and acquired a new left tackle, Eugene Monroe, surrendering two draft picks in the process. When you heard that news you had to assume McKinnie was finished in Baltimore at least as the starter.

McKinnie himself had to believe deep down that his days as a starter in Baltimore were numbered. But do you think McKinnie would actually admit that to himself or anyone else? Heck no. As far as McKinnie is concerned, he’s still the starter for the Ravens.

When asked by reporters about the situation, McKinnie said that no one on Baltimore had yet told him he was not the starter. However, he believed the team might be trying to trade him, a situation he found “surprising.” According to McKinnie he has been getting “better and better” with each passing game this season, so why should they be looking to trade him?

Obviously the Ravens disagree about him getting better, or they wouldn’t have surrendered two picks to get a new left tackle.

As usual there are two realities here: real reality and the one that exists only in Bryant McKinnie’s brain. The reality in Bryant’s brain is a weird place where no normal thinking human could ever live. In that reality, it’s okay to beat bouncers over the head with metal posts. It’s okay to go to the Pro Bowl and party instead of show up for practice (getting kicked off the team as a result). It’s okay to report to camp at almost 400 pounds with a dangerous cholesterol issue and act like you’re not overweight. It’s okay to borrow millions of dollars from shady people just so you won’t run out of Cristal and hookers during a lock-out.

Ever since he came in the league Bryant McKinnie has worn the nickname Mount McKinnie. But my nickname for him is Old Faithful. Cause he never lets us down. He always says and does the dumbest stuff possible. God bless his big slow stupid butt. I seriously don’t think he will ever be out of a job. Somehow or another, Jason will just keep coming back for yet another dumb sequel.

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Topics: Minnesota Vikings

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  • Daniel Laxen

    Slanderous comments like this; “It’s okay to borrow millions of dollars from shady people just so you won’t run out of Cristal and hookers during a lock-out.” can lead to hot water, Mr. Zinski. Might want to check that?