10 Reasons Brett Favre Is Not Jesus


Packer fans seem to think their quarterback Brett Favre is Jesus. Well, I can assure you that he certainly is not. In fact, Jesus and Brett Favre have very little in common. Here then are ten reasons Brett Favre is not Jesus:

1. Jesus was born 2000 years ago. But Brett Favre isn’t a day over 600.

2. Jesus died and was resurrected only once, whereas Favre has been left for dead by the media numerous times and brought himself back (often by torching mediocre secondaries while in a state of grief over the recent death of a loved-one).

3. Jesus, as far as I know, was never hooked on Vicodin. Though he was known to munch the occasional suspicious leaf.

4. Jesus performed great miracles like turning water into wine and bringing back the dead. The only miracle Favre ever performed was making Donald Driver and Robert Brooks look like real NFL receivers.

5. Jesus never starred in a movie with Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz. He did however have a cameo in Porky’s 2, but he made sure that was left out of his official bio.

6. Jesus never took a dive so Michael Strahan could get a meaningless sack record. He did occasionally let Simon the Zealot beat him at Yahtzee however.

7. Jesus relieved the suffering of the masses by giving them hope, then died for their sins. Favre relieved the suffering of Packer fans by bringing them a Super Bowl, but has thus far managed to put off the whole dying thing. Any time now Brett…

8. Jesus’s mortal enemy was Pontius Pilate. Brett Favre’s mortal enemy is acid-reflux.

9. Let’s face it – Jesus would never be caught dead in Wisconsin.

10. Jesus never had sex with John Madden.