Everything Power Rankings, August 4


That guy. I don’t need to say his name do I? Also…hating on the Olympics. Loving the Cubs. Really, really loving Feist…

1You know who…Somebody do something!!!
2Dark Knight Box OfficeIt’s already cracked the top 10. It will never catch Titanic. I see it settling in behind Shrek 2 at #4 all-time.
3Cubs Sweep BrewersI have a lot of relatives who are Brewers fans. They didn’t have a lot to say after this. I think everyone knows which is the superior team now. Cubs will win the division by 10 games at least.
4Not Caring About the OlympicsDon’t care about the opening ceremony. Don’t care about the basketball. The gymnastics. The crooked runners. China. Smog. George Bush showing up. Michael Phelps. Any of it…
5Morgan FreemanMorgan Freeman crashed his ’97 Nissan Maxima and busted up his arm. Now everyone knows he drives a ’97 Nissan Maxima. Someone needs to make Shawshank Redemption 2 so Morgan can get himself paid.
6Jared Allen’s BeardHe made a big thing about not caring if people hated it, then said it was too hot and shaved it. I don’t know what to think about men who are flighty with their facial hair. It worries me in some impossible-to-describe way.
7Alexander SolzhenitsynI just thought at least one football blog in the world should mention his passing. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is something everyone should read once.
8PreseasonI wanna be psyched. I try to be psyched. I can’t be psyched. It sucks soooooo bad.
9FeistHow much do I love Feist? I’m not even sick of “One Two Three Four” yet…
10John McCainThis is what American politics does…it makes honorable people behave dishonorably. And we think our Democracy works?