Everything Power Rankings, Sept. 11

Palin fear. T-Jack weariness. Coen anticipation.

1. Sarah Palin.  I decided – definitely not sexy.  Actually kind of scary.  My concern is not that she wouldn’t know what to do should she have to become president – it’s that she would know exactly what to do, and it would not be good.

2. Tarvaris Jackson.  I’m tired of watching him skip the ball a foot in front of open receivers.  I’m tired of his interviews where he says “You know” every three words.  I’m tired of Brad Childress acting like this guy is one film session away from being Dan Fouts.  I’m tired of being tired.

3. Jared Allen.  Hmm…so this is what we paid all that money for?  Brian Robison in a cowboy hat.

4. Aaron Rodgers.  He’s good.  Okay?  You happy now?

5. Burn After Reading.  I’m hoping it will be Raising Arizona.  I’d settle for it being The Big Lebowski.  I’m praying with all my soul it’s not O Brother, Where Art Thou?.

6. Tom Brady Out for the Year.  It’s obvious – he faked the injury so he could stay home with Gisele.  I’m sure the Patriots will be fine with Matt Cassel.

7. Kanye Arrested. Does he get nailed for something hard-core like opening fire in a nightclub or hanging some poor sucker out a hotel window?  No.  He gets hauled in for breaking a camera.  He probably cried when he called his lawyer from the police station.

8. Vince Young.  He’s now laid claim to the Vinsanity nickname in a way Vince Carter never did.  Screw the Wonderlic – what was this guy’s score on the psych evaluation?  Incomplete?

9. Cubs Collapse.  I’ve been expecting it.  It finally came.  They’ll still make the playoffs but so what?  Maybe 2108 will be their year.

10. Tom Waits.  I just needed to say that I love Tom Waits.  I’m glad I live on the same planet as him.