10 Perfectly Legitimate Reasons for Hating the Packers and Their Fans
By Dan Zinski
1. Dumb PSAs. Donald Driver thinks if you sip all day, you get decay. This ad is meant to stop Packer fans from drinking soda and ruining their teeth. #1: Packer fans don’t drink soda because soda doesn’t contain alcohol. #2: Most Packer fans don’t have teeth. (I haven’t seen this ad in ages so maybe they caught on that their cause was futile).
2. Bad quarterback hair.
3. It should’ve been them. The ones getting stuck with Brad Childress. He was a Badgers guy. But Zygi Wilf just had to hire him, and now they have Mike McCarthy, and what do we have? Mr. Noodle and his Kick-No-One’s-Ass Offense. So what if I’m bitter?
4. Packer fans can’t tell the difference between a urinal and a sink. Or, maybe they can tell the difference, but they just don’t care. Which is actually worse.
5. 3-0. This tally is why Packer fans always win in the end. There’s no reason for me to elaborate further – anyone who knows anything about this rivalry already gets what I mean.
6. Memories of hot-tub frolics with teenagers and dudes dropping loads in laundry baskets. A whole generation is scarred for life thanks to Mark Chmura‘s affection for high school girls and Najeh Davenport‘s odd way of saying hello to random college students at 6 in the morning. Thankfully, there is hope.
7. I’m pretty sure this guy was a Packer fan.
8. Antonio Freeman was on the fricking ground and all the dumb bastard had to do was touch him and he didn’t touch him and Freeman got up and ran the fricking ball into the endzone and I still don’t know how the hell he ever caught that fricking ball…
9. Stupid freezing weather antics. Dumb broads in bikinis when it’s 15 below and Tom Coughlin‘s face is peeling off like in a horror movie. I guess if I was fall-down drunk and my brain had turned to a block of ice I would find these women attractive:
Their parents would be proud – if they hadn’t shot themselves.
10. America held hostage. All summer we had to hear about Brett Favre. Was he coming back? Wasn’t he coming back? Would he get released? Would he get traded? Was he coming to the Vikings? Did Brad Childress tamper? Oh, Ted Thompson is having another meeting with him? Great! Perhaps this time someone can lock the door and pipe in some carbon monoxide. It’s called a mercy killing. Goodbye Brett! No, don’t worry – they have Wranglers in heaven.