Please now enjoy my one and only mock draft for 2009. It is very similar to every other mock draft that you have seen. That is the nature of mock drafts. It is the same stuff regurgitated over and over. And I do mean “regurgitated.”
1. Detroit Lions: Matthew Stafford, QB
Question: If you were facing the prospect of going into the season with an aging, weight-challenged Daunte Culpepper as your starting QB, and you had the #1 pick in the draft, would you not feel obligated to take the best QB available? Mel Kiper says: “Stafford is worthy of being the No. 1 overall pick, thanks to his overall skill set.” Kiper likes the word “overall.”
2. St. Louis Rams: Jason Smith, OT
Pretty much every mock draft has the Rams taking this Jason Smith kid from Baylor. Unanimity is reassuring. Todd McShay says: “Smith has emerged as the top offensive lineman in the 2009 class. He possesses the agility, power and work ethic to solidify the left tackle spot for years to come in St. Louis.” I guess when they let Orlando Pace go this became a fait accompli.
3. Kansas City Chiefs: Aaron Curry, LB
Let’s see, the Chiefs suck on defense, and Aaron Curry is the best defensive player available. Sounds like the way to go. Kiper says: “He’s a complete OLB with great character and work ethic, which is why it was no surprise when he nailed his combine workout.” I hope the combine workout gave its consent before he nailed it.
4. Seattle Seahawks: B.J. Raji, DT
I guess that story about him failing the drug test wasn’t true. Joel Welser says: “Despite his size, Raji is deceptively quick. His first step is very impressive and then he will use his strength to simply run over the opposing lineman.” Plus his name is B.J., which means he must be tough.
5. Cleveland Browns: Michael Crabtree, WR
This becomes a done-deal if the Browns indeed trade Braylon Edwards pre-draft as many think they will. I mean, you can’t give away Kellen Winslow and Edwards and not get some kind of highly-touted skill player in the draft, can you? Kiper says: “The stress fracture in his left foot shouldn’t affect his draft status. He’s a big-time player who should have a Larry Fitzgerald-type career in the NFL.” Let’s remember, however, that he will not have Kurt Warner throwing him the ball in Cleveland.
6. Cincinnati Bengals: Eugene Monroe, OT
All I can think of is the Pink Floyd song, “Careful With the Axe, Eugene.” McShay says: “He’s not a classic mauler by any means, but he is a fluid athlete for his size and would do an excellent job of protecting QB Carson Palmer.” And God knows, Palmer could use protecting.
7. Oakland Raiders: Jeremy Maclin, WR
My condolences to Mr. Maclin and everyone in his family. He was a great kid. Had his whole life ahead of him. Kiper says: “Maclin will have to adjust to an NFL offense, but I really like his big-play capability and the fact that he’s much more explosive with the pads on than his 4.46-second clocking in the 40-yard dash at the combine would lead you to believe.”
8. Jacksonville Jaguars: Mark Sanchez, QB
The USC QB hype machine hasn’t been as loud with Sanchez as it was with, say, Matt Leinart. I’m not sure what significance this has, other than somewhat reducing the pressure on Mr. Sanchez. Raul Colon says: “Big (6-3) and blessed with a powerful right arm, Sanchez looks like the second coming of former Trojans great Carson Palmer.” Except for that whole knee injury thing, hopefully.
9. Green Bay Packers: Brian Orakpo, DE
As everyone knows, the Packers will be running a 3-4 offense next year. Therefore they will need to draft a 3-4 type pass rusher. Kiper says: “I view Orakpo as a 4-3 end with the ability to also play on his feet in a 3-4 as an attacking outside linebacker. He is super athletic and incredibly strong, but there is concern about his durability.” Of course if he is drafted by the Packers he will automatically suck.
10. San Francisco 49ers: Aaron Maybin, DE
Can Mike Singletary play with him? Win with him? Coach with him? Kiper says: “Maybin is another combo type who is explosive out of the blocks and relentless in his pursuit of the quarterback.”
11. Buffalo Bills: Everette Brown, DE
He can tell his grandkids he played with T.O. Well, okay…on the same team as T.O. Nobody actually plays with T.O. Joel Welser says: “Brown has good size at 6-4 and 252 pounds, but he could stand to add some more strength. His speed and quickness are great assets, but he can get pushed around on occasion.”
12. Denver Broncos: Tyson Jackson, DE
Is it just me or are most of these guys defensive ends? McShay says: “The Broncos need to bulk up along the defensive front in order to make a smooth transition to the 3-4 scheme. They could use this pick on a linebacker, but Jackson is the only elite five-technique in this draft class and would fit well in Denver.”
13. Washington Redskins: Andre Smith, OT
Daniel Snyder is not put off by the fact that this guy turned into a meatball and rolled at the combine with his posse and his bling like he was Snoop at the Vibe Awards. “Hopefully, he’ll maximize his skills in the NFL by paying more attention to detail,” says Kiper. “If he doesn’t, you are looking at a major bust.” But he’ll still have his boyz.
14. New Orleans Saints: Malcolm Jenkins, CB
Daniel Evans of NFL Mocks says: “There is only one cornerback in this draft that can be counted on as a rookie to shut down NFL wide receivers next year. That one guy is Jenkins. Expect him to start right away, no matter where he ends up.” If he hangs out with Darren Sharper he’ll surely turn into a fag.
15. Houston Texans: Clay Matthews, LB
Raul Colon says: “He fills the holes quickly and can knock lead blockers upright and backward in run action. Because of his speed, the former Trojan moves well through traffic.” That comes in handy when trying to cross a freeway to get to the Jack-in-the-Box on the other side.
16. San Diego Chargers: Ray Maualuga, LB
Kiper says: “Maualuga is capable of becoming a quality ‘Mike’ linebacker in the NFL but needs to use his hands better to ward off blocks and must be more consistent from week to week.” And he must learn to stay away from Erin Andrews.
17. New York Jets: Josh Freeman, QB
McShay says: “Freeman’s decision-making and mechanics are admittedly erratic, but he is blessed with an absolute Howitzer for a right arm.” Which makes him valuable if you are attempting to take the bridge at Remagen.
18. Denver Broncos: Knowshon Moreno, RB
Russ Lande says: “Moreno is one of the most physical running back prospects our scouts have evaluated in years. Despite his lack of elite speed and burst, he is faster than expected and consistently outruns defenders who have angles on him.” Let’s hope Josh McDaniels doesn’t say anything to piss him off.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Peria Jerry, DT
Scott Wright’s Draft Countdown says: “Very talented and definitely has the ability to be an impact player on the interior if he can stay healthy, however that is a big ‘if.'” I just can’t wait to hear Dick Stockton try to say his name.
20. Detroit Lions: Michael Oher, OT
Matt McGuire says: “Oher is an extremely talented prospect, and the negativity around him now I feel like is too much.” Easy for you to say when you don’t have to pay him, or get blasted on blogs and talk radio for the next ten years if he’s a bust.
21. Philadelphia Eagles: Brandon Pettigrew, TE
Matt MacCoy says: “This is hyperbole indeed, but is it too far of a stretch to imagine Brandon Pettigrew developing into an Antonio Gates type player?” A bit of a stretch, yeah.
22. Minnesota Vikings: Eben Britton, OT
I say: “I’ve gone on record professing my belief, temporary as it may be, that the Vikings mean to trade out of the first round and take Phil Loadholt to deal with their right tackle hole. However, in keeping with the spirit of the no-trades-allowed mock draft, I have them taking Britton at #22. This is what I think they’ll do if in fact they are unable to make the trade they want. I think Percy Harvin is off their board, and anything nice they might be saying about him is smoke (no pun intended).”
23. New England Patriots: Brian Cushing, LB
Does USC have nothing but linebackers? Jeepers. Scott Wright’s Draft Countdown says: “Manufactured athlete who should test well but isn’t that impressive on film and often looks like a defensive end in a linebacker’s body.”
24. Atlanta Falcons: James Laurinaitis, LB
I say: “This dude’s name is hard to spell.”
25. Miami Dolphins: Vontae Davis, CB
NFL Draft Dog.com says: “His speed is good enough to help him stick with some of the faster wide receivers and he won’t get burned too many times.” Hopefully he did not learn too much from his brother Vernon about professionalism and proper attitude.
26. Baltimore Ravens: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR
Topherkris says: “The Thing about Heyward-Bey, is that he balls the f**k out.” That’s my kind of scouting report.
27. Indianapolis Colts: Evander Hood, DT
Mike Tyson says: “Bring that ear over here son, let me have a taste.”
28. Buffalo Bills: William Beatty, OT
Scott Wright’s Draft Countdown says: “An impressive physical specimen for the position and most of his flaws can be corrected with further development and coaching.” Or by his girlfriend. You know how women love fixing flaws.
29. New York Giants: Kenny Britt, WR
FF Jungle.com says: “Britt is NFL-ready and has the potential to be a solid #1 receiver.” I’m glad he’s NFL-ready…cause he’s about to get drafted into the NFL and it would suck if he found himself unprepared.
30. Tennessee Titans: D.J. Moore, CB
WarRoom Report.com says: “D.J. Moore is one of the most explosive players in the country, returning kicks and playing offense in addition to playing lock down corner.” Sounds like another Pacman. Uh-ohs.
31. Arizona Cardinals: Beanie Wells, RB
Scott Wright’s Draft Countdown says: “Has shown the ability to play through pain but will always be susceptible to getting nicked up due to his physical, aggressive running style.” That’s not a big problem when you play for a team that only runs the ball 5 times a game.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers: Alex Mack, C
Mocking the Draft says: ” He’s especially powerful. His biggest strength is in-line, run blocking. Needs to develop his technical skills better.” He might also work on his pass blocking, cause if he lets Ben Roethlisberger get killed, there could be a problem.