Bryant McKinnie Is Still Good for a Laugh

Thanks Bryant McKinnie for the laughs you gave us Tuesday when for some reason you decided to tweet about your contract situation. Piece of advice in future: if you don’t want to come across like a big dumb drama queen, stay off Twitter until the negotiations are over. Actually strike that. Stay ON Twitter. I need the amusement.

In case you missed it, here’s a quick time-line of the McKinnie madness.

10:47 AM – McKinnie tweets “Decision is made! I’m gone!” Despite lack of detail, Twitter immediately concludes McKinnie must’ve gotten cut by the Ravens. Seems credible given McKinnie’s weight issues and the fact that he’s not a very good player.

11:16 AM – Aaron Wilson gives us the details on McKinnie’s situation: “The Ravens are attempting to restructure tackle Bryant McKinnie’s contract, per a league source, situation could lead to his release. Bryant McKinnie is due a $3.2 million base salary, but Ravens would ideally like to cut his pay.” Baltimore Ravens official site retweets Wilson, perhaps trying to zing McKinnie.

11:26 AM – Wilson tweets “Bryant McKinnie in a text to me when asked if he’s off the team: ‘Yes.'” Odd, since reports are that negotiations are still on-going. You’d think a guy would prefer to keep his tweets and texts to himself until after the situation is resolved.  You’d think.

11:37 AM – Albert Breer gets in on the act: “Bryant McKinnie in a text: ‘We couldn’t come to an agreement on a contract restructure, which leads to me being released.'” We imagine Bryant sitting on the toilet somewhere gently sobbing. Perhaps there is a loaded weapon nearby.

11:51 AM – Things take a wild turn. Breer tweets: “Ok. Another text from McKinnie: ‘Not officially over yet just got a call‘ #staytuned” Oh don’t worry. We’ll stay tuned. It’s either this or Judge Judy and I can’t stand Judge Judy. Keep in mind that the Ravens’ team site is retweeting all this stuff, clearly trying to make McKinnie look bad.

2:18 PM – Resolution! Jason LaCanfora tweets: “Bryant McKinnie’s agent, Michael George, told me he just agreed to a restructured deal for McKinnie to remain a Raven. McKinnie’s agent said ‘Bryant really wanted to remain a Raven’ and wanted to stay with ‘a winning team’ thus lowered salary. No additional years were tacked on to deal, so he’s a free agent after 2013.” Oh. So Bryant didn’t take the deal because he still owes millions of dollars to that shady loan place. He stayed in Baltimore by choice because he wants to win. He’s all about the winning. And not getting his kneecaps broken.

2:42 PM – McKinnie confirms: “This morning got a phone call sayin I’m gone, & just now ended up signing 2 remain a Raven.” Wow. Amazing how things go. One minute you think you’re just another big fat dude without a job, but before you know it, you’re a professional football player again. Playing on a one-year deal worth $2.2 million with another $1 million in incentives for a possible total of $3.2 million. Life sure can be peculiar.

3:19 PM – John Harbaugh gets the last word, via the Ravens team site. “Harbaugh on McKinnie: ‘He continues to work his way back to Pro bowl form. Both he and I agree, that’s our goal.'” Good luck with that John.

Again Bryant McKinnie, thanks for the chuckles. At least you’re good for something. You turd.

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