All-Natural Adrian Peterson Welcomes HGH Testing


Dec 30, 2012; Minneapolis, MN, USA; Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson (28) against the Green Bay Packers at the Metrodome. The Vikings defeated the Packers 37-34. Mandatory Credit: Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports

Adrian Peterson’s comeback from knee surgery was as epic as epic things get. But as you know, certain snarky individuals do not believe in the comeback narrative as it has been presented. These ninnies think Adrian must have used some shady substance – possibly HGH – to help him recover so quickly and thoroughly from the catastrophic injury.

Of course Adrian has heard these fools too, and he has an answer for them: STICK IT BOZOS!

Adrian doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. We all know he’s clean. But just in case there are any doubters left out there? Adrian will be happy to give up some blood if it makes them finally shut up.

“[Testing for HGH] will bring a lot of people to light. It’ll clear a lot of people, on the outside, their curiosity when it comes to different players. So I’m all-in for it. I don’t worry about those types of supplements, using those, because I’m all natural,” Adrian told reporters on Friday.

Adrian added, “I can’t wait until they draw my blood. To be honest with you, I’ve been hoping they did this a long time ago, you know, evening out the playing field and make guys be honest and truthful to themselves.”

Adrian can be this up-front because he has nothing to hide. We all know he has nothing to hide. But the reality is, even after Adrian gives up the blood and is proven clean, certain jealous jerk-offs will still doubt him.

Look jerk-offs, we get it. Sports is full of dirty players who cheat to get an edge on their competition. But just because guys like Ryan Braun aka Aaron Rodgers’ former butt-buddy use HGH, that doesn’t mean every great player is dirty. Some guys are just naturally freakish. Adrian is one of those guys.

So here’s my advice for the naysayers: Just shut up and enjoy the ride. Take off your hate-colored glasses and watch the man do his thing. Every time Adrian touches the ball you are witnessing history. Some of us know how to enjoy that. I guess you haters are just incapable of experiencing joy.

Or maybe you’re just angry because your defense is full of spastic buffoons who don’t know how to tackle? Packer fans. It’s not Adrian’s fault you guys don’t know how to play defense. Get over it already.

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