Everything Power Rankings, August 11
By Dan Zinski
Ragging on preseason. Celebrating Favre in another shade of green. Getting kind of stoked about Tropic Thunder…
| 1 | Favre as a Jet | He finally got traded to the Jets. I don’t know how he’ll do there. I just know he’s gone from the NFC North, which makes winning the division a much easier proposition for everyone else (except the Lions). | |
| 2 | Russia Invades Georgia | Who knew there was even this big problem? Now all of a sudden Russia is taking over the whole country. Things like this start big nasty world wars. Hopefully sanity will prevail. | |
| 3 | One Down, Three to Go | Survived one preaseason game. It was pretty ugly for the Vikings, especially with the injuries to Farwell and Mitchell. Only three more to go. I think I can make it. | |
| 4 | Worst Clint Eastwood Movie | I avoided Every Which Way But Loose for years and years…but this weekend I decided to take the plunge. Absolute Power was my absolute worst Clint Eastwood movie until now. Who thought a redneck flick with Eastwood and an orangutan vs. Evil Bikers was a good idea? And it made enough money to get a sequel. No, I’m not getting taken twice. | |
| 5 | John Edwards | A politician who’s a dirtbag. Stop the presses. Yeah, but Edwards outdid himself when he said his wife’s cancer was in remission at the time he was messing around. Well, that makes it okay then. Skunk. | |
| 6 | Tropic Thunder | Semi-stoked about this. Stiller + Black + Downey sounds like a winning combo. It looks nice and politically incorrect. Hopefully they follow through on the bit and don’t let it sap out at the end (like almost every other allegedly edgy comedy). | |
| 7 | Bernie Mac | That was kinda sudden. Do we need to worry about a Bad Santa curse? John Ritter. Bernie Mac. That little midget dude and the chick from Gilmore Girls better watch their backs. Billy Bob is indestructible though…if you can survive sex with Angelina you can survive anything. | |
| 8 | Apple Jacks | Yes they’re great for breakfast…but they’re also great out of the box sans milk as a snack. | |
| 9 | U.S. Stomps China | We beat the crap out of China in basketball. They still own us at dog-eating and student-protestor squishing. | |
| 10 | McConaughey Placenta | Matthew McConaughey is burying his kid’s placenta so it can fertilize a tree. This dude has smoked way too much pot. |